#dadjokesofnirsa at NIRSA 2021 Virtual took off…(like a striker after a red card)

Wah, wah. Okay, we couldn’t resist. Because, dozens of individuals from no fewer than 30 schools and organizations took up the challenge from Jason Darby, Associate Director of Programs at the University of Mississippi. Jason challenged attendees in the Lobby chat to share their best #dadjokesofNIRSA. Jason’s call echoed that of Will Kiileric-Bowles of Alvarado Turnstiles, who offered up a special gamification code for those who shared their favorite puns in the Alvarado Turnstiles booth. Moms, dads, and nonparents alike took a shot at making others smile, both in the Alvarado booth and in the Pheedloop Lobby.

So, here are some great opening lines for your next staff meeting:

• A detective showed up to my house and asked me where I was between 5 and 6. I told him kindergarten.
• A group of crows is called a murder. But how can it be murder without probable CAWWWWWS?
• A magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three. He says “uno, dos….” Poof. He disappeared without a tres.
• A skeleton walks into a bar and says, “Hey, bartender. I’ll have one beer and a mop.”
• A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says: “Wow, I’ve never served a weasel in a bar before. What can I get you?” “Pop,” goes the weasel.
• All these jokes are great. I am going to store them in my dad-a-base.
• Atoms really aren’t very trustworthy; they make up everything.
• Can anybody give me some advice on removing ice from my windshield? I tried to remove it with a discount card I had In my pocket, but I only got 20% off.
• “Dad, did you get a haircut?” “No, I got them all cut!”
• Did you all know how NASA organized their celebration of the recent Mars landing? First, they had to planet. It was a hit and everyone had a blast.
• Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents.
• Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His trousers fit him like a glove.
• Did you know that milk is the fastest liquid on earth? Yep, it’s pasteurized before you even see it!
• Do you all know why the apricot pulled over? He had to make a pit stop.
• Do you know why eggs cannot keep secrets? They tend to crack under pressure.
• How can you tell it’s a dogwood tree? From the bark.
• How did Kim Kardashian explain to her child that her and Kanye were divorcing? “North, things between West and I have gone south.”
• How did the vampire know he was sick? He started coffin.
• How do you make a tissue dance? You put a boogie in it!
• How many bones are in the human hand? About a handful.
• I asked an electrician to fix an electrical issue at my house. He refused.
• I asked the librarian if books about paranoia were available. She looked up and whispered, “They’re right behind you.”
• I don’t rely on hotels so much. I’ve actually become quite inn-dependent.
• I love telling dad jokes. Sometimes, he laughs.
• I once went to a Star Trek convention dressed as Chewbacca. It was a wookie mistake.
• I stayed up all night wondering where the sun was. Then it dawned on me.
• I took a sweater back to the store because it was full of static electricity. They gave me a new one free of charge.
• I want to be a scarecrow when I get older, so I can be out standing in my field.
• I was going to go to the new Lego store today, but I heard people were lined up for blocks.
• I was really angry at my friend Mark for stealing my dictionary. I told him, “Mark, my words!”
• I went to the zoo and saw a bagel in a cage. The sign said “Bread in captivity.”
• I’ve decided to spend the rest of quarantine watching Sylvester Stallone movies. Unfortunately, I am off to a Rocky start.
• If there’s one thing that always makes me throw up, it’s a dart board on the ceiling.
• “Is this pool safe for diving?” “It deep ends.”
• My father was a barber. On Thanksgiving he would serve dinner with all the trimmings.
• My mom asked me to wear different socks because they were changing my demeanor. I said “da more I wear’em, demeanor you get!”
• My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
• My wife told me that I am too cheap. I didn’t buy it.
• The internet connection at my farm is really sketchy, so I moved the modem to the barn. Now I have stable WiFi.
• Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind; it’s tearable.
• What color is the wind? Blew.
• What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 CENT featuring Nickleback.
• What did Jay-Z call his wife before he married her? Feyonce.
• What did one cow say to the other cow? MOOOOVE over.
• What did Tennessee? The same thing Arkansas.
• What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where’s popcorn?
• What did the buffalo say to his son? Bison!
• What did the drummer name his daughters? Anna1, Anna 2.
• What did the hat say to the socks? “I’ll go on ahead, you can go on foot.”
• What did the pan say to the pancake? Batter up!
• What did two say to three when they saw six acting like an idiot? “Don’t mind him. He’s just a product of our times.”
• What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast!
• What do you call a blind dinosaur? A Doyouthinkhesaurus.
• What do you call a dinosaur that just got done with a light workout? A kindasaur.
• What do you call a non-dad telling dad jokes? A faux pa.
• What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
• What do you call bears with no ears? Bs.
• What does the teddy bear say when offer food? No thanks, I’m stuffed.
• What is a dragons favorite snack? Firecrackers.
• What is a light year? The same as a regular year, but with fewer calories.
• What kind of birds stick together? Vel-crows.
• What kind of cheese is not yours? Nacho cheese.
• What’s a pig’s favorite kind of karate move? Pork chop.
• What’s Forrest Gump’s NIRSA password? 1Forrest1!
• What’s the funniest vegetable? The punion.
• Whatever you do, don’t open an email about canned meat. It’s Spam.
• When I tell students what classes to take, I share that geology rocks but geography is where it is at.
• Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!
• Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two tired.
• Why did the farmer leave the gym? His calves were hurting!
• Why did the pillow cross the road? To collect the chicken feathers.
• Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing!
• Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road? He lacked the guts.
• Why didn’t they let the fungi into the party? There wasn’t mush room.
• Why do astronauts use Linux? Because they can’t open Windows.
• Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? If it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!
• Why isn’t the personal trainer paying rent? He’s squatting.
• Why was 6 scared of 7? Because 7, 8, 9!
• You guys, the thing about dad Jokes is that their punch lines are all a-parent.

Thanks to everyone who took a leap and shared a joke! Special thanks to Jason, Will, Daniel Perdue of the University of North Carolina at Pembroke, Erik Unger of the University of North Carolina at Greensboro, and those who shared more than one quip.