By Kimmi Sterner, 2014–2015 NIRSA Student Leader
Well everybody, it’s that time of year! I cannot believe that we are gearing up, packing, and getting pumped for this year’s NIRSA Annual Conference. In the blink of an eye you will be hopping in a car or leaving on a jet plane to create yet another unforgettable experience.
In recent weeks, the road to conference might have been a little bumpy for some. If you’re looking for a job or a graduate assistantship, there were probably some stressful interviews and maybe a couple of disheartening emails stating that a position was granted to a different candidate. Believe me, I know exactly what that’s like and so does just about everyone in NIRSA. It’s a part of the experience!
We’ve all been there and rejection never feels too good. You might feel embarrassed, sad, or disappointed. But what if we looked at rejection in a totally different light? We’re all remotely healthy, active people so I’m going to use a very familiar analogy to help us understand how rejection is actually a really, really, amazing thing.
As humans, we are so resistant to and defeated by hearing the word “no.” But when we take rejection into a fitness setting, the tables turn a little bit. When we work out, we place resistance on our bodies using weights, cables, our own bodies, etc. If we are able to easily lift the weight, we immediately reach for a heavier one with the hope that the increased resistance on our body will make us stronger. In a way, when we cannot lift a weight, we are being rejected by that weight. This might seem far-fetched but stay with me.
If you increase the weight you’re lifting by five pounds and are then unable to lift it, you don’t put the weight down and decide you’re never again going to try to lift it. In fact, you’re going to work to make yourself stronger and try again another time. We scan the internet, pin thousands of workouts on Pinterest, and hire people to create workouts that will place resistance on our bodies to make us stronger. So why don’t we do the same with our minds? Rejection can lead to moments of realization, not just defeat.
If we’re willing to place resistance on our bodies in order to get stronger, we should be willing to do the same thing for our minds. When we receive a “no” from an institution we were hoping to work with, we must begin to look for reasons why someone else should say yes. Find your strengths.
Jia Jiang, an adventurous Chinese immigrant, did just that. After receiving a big “no” for a business venture of his, Jia realized how much he could grow from rejection. He decided to go through 100 Days of Rejection Therapy with the aim of making “100 crazy requests to get rejected.” Exposing himself to 100 different situations where rejection was possible made him realize that rejection is much less painful than we typically believe. At the same time, the fears related to rejection do much more damage to our minds and bodies than we ever knew. But that’s all they are: fears. False Evidence Appearing Real. One of my favorite of his points is that his journey through rejection taught him that people are kinder than we ever imagined.
Since going on that journey, Jia has been sharing his story and what he’s learned on his blog, in an upcoming book, and through speaking engagements. His TedTalk “Surprising Lessons for 100 Days of Rejection” is extremely entertaining and eye opening. I highly recommend checking it out!
If you’re nervous about being rejected from anything—whether it’s a job, a graduate assistantship, or even a date, I challenge you to pick a simple task (maybe from Jia’s list) that will place you in a situation with a high probability of rejection. Notice what you learned from it, how you felt, or how surprised you were with the outcome. Then find a way to translate that experience into a coping process for a possible rejection from something like a graduate assistant position.
At the end of the day, in most situations a “no” is a “no” and we can’t do too much about that. The only thing we have control over is our ability to translate the rejection into a growing experience. Remember, you’re all wired for greatness and I hope you strive to find more and more ways to grow, learn, teach, and achieve success. Thanks for being awesome!
